Well, folks. I might be struggling a bit here.
Last week, I was sick. Coughing and coughing for a week straight. I managed to make it to work every day but I left early pretty much every day and was in bed by 7 definitely every day. I forgot about my food journal and my bitters. I got some chinese take out because I was too tired to cook anything or go grocery shopping (which is one of my favorite things to do).
And then, we went on our mini-honeymoon to the mountains. I drank beer, ate a lot of pasta, did not work out, you get the point.
I knew my check-in at RNM was going to tell me I gained a little weight back. Maybe a pound or two. But, it was three pounds. I’m not going to sit here and cry and mope over three pounds because come on but I am mentioning it because as soon as I saw the number I felt the guilt creeping back. Guilt that at this point in the challenge I have not lost what I was hoping to lose. That at this point in the challenge I’m still getting my breakfast at Panera or Starbucks or Ellwoods instead of cooking it myself most mornings. That at this point in the challenge I’m still having trouble with portions and getting stupid hungry at work even on the days that I pack a really good, filling lunch. That at this point in the challenge I’m still dwelling for even a second instead of moving on and kicking ass. And mostly, that at this point in the challenge I haven’t gotten my routine down and I still feel in many ways (especially mentally) not out of the fog and into the land of wellness. That’s where I want to be. But, I’m having trouble finding the clarity to map it out for myself.
It’s not that I thought I’d have it all figured out at this point but I had hoped I’d be a little further along at this point. I’m sure other folks can relate. I feel like I need a fire lit under me but I have a pocket full of wet matches.
And food? I haven’t been in the mood to cook at all. How do I get myself (the person who loves being in the kitchen) back in there to cook a decent meal? I’m just not in the mood for ANYTHING these days.
I just want to squeeze every little bit out of the time we have left in this challenge and to get that to propel me through the months after and beyond. I think I need to reach out to our community a little more and offer my support if anyone needs a high five and maybe get a few high fives myself.
I know we all have ups and downs on journeys like these and there are plenty of victories big and small in store. I just need to get my head in the game!